I started back to work yesterday - from home, working as much as I can, stopping when I have to. It helps because the distraction for a little while stops the awful images in my head. But I hate the thought of getting used to Kevin's not being here. That's somehow more painful than the actual loss itself. How is it that life goes on?They tell me I'll understand someday - but there's no comfort in that. Again, it somehow is worse. But I know what he'd want me to do -- and he'd kick my butt and tell me to start thinking with my head - that's the lump that's three feet above my ass, as Jimmy Duggan said in "A League of Their Own," one of our favorite movies. I just keep telling myself - there's no crying in baseball. There's no crying in baseball.